I haven’t been creating as much this year as I’d like. Maybe because I don’t really have guidance like I did in Life Book last year. I’m on my own now. And that’s left me a little… I’m not sure what the right word is. Directionless?
I bought a canvas a month or two ago to get me into painting again. The problem was I didn’t know what to paint. So I just started putting layers on. The painting went through a few incarnations. First it was going to be a meditating girl. Then an abstract. Finally it became sunflowers.
Looking at it after I finished it I felt like it looked as though a 5 year old did it. I still do. But then I decided I didn’t care. Looking at it instantly brings a smile to my face. Sunflowers make me happy. (And yes that’s a photo of me a child that I added in there). I was born in and spent the first few years of my life in the North West Province (South Africa) and there sunflowers are big. It’s my favourite part of the North West. Every time we go visit family who still live there, one of the things that most excite me is the prospect of seeing all the sunflowers. It may not be pretty, but the emotion it evokes is real.
A few days ago I wanted to paint something for the inside cover of my journal. I tried to just let it flow, because again I didn’t really know what to paint. I used Effy Wild’s prompt “I am the storm”. It came out a mess.
I looked at her when I was done and thought “ugh, this is ugly”. Then the voice came through “yes, but she’s real”. This stopped me in me tracks. It’s true she is real. I don’t know why, but there is just something about her that keeps drawing my attention. Something powerful and knowing. Something profound and wise. She doesn’t look any of those things. Yet, it’s there. She’s real. And the words “I am the storm” really hit me. So I glued her into my journal.
Then I decided that I might need some guidance to get me to paint more often and to get me to explore with just flowing. So I signed up for Effy’s Journal 52 . The first prompt was heart.
Again I don’t think this is pretty, but it’s real. And it speaks to me. And I love looking at it. I wrote down “my heart wants to be free” and these words hit me. There’s a realness and a truth there.
So maybe that’s my thing for 2018. Not pretty art, but real art.